hmm. i’m starting to remember why I blogged so much when I lived alone. because I was LONELY. I didn’t even have a TV. lol. I used to think that my best self came from me being alone, but now I don’t think so. I was just different. very reflective. i’m not sure if I still am and have just been busier, or if maybe things are changing. I don’t know. but anyway, here’s what’s been going on.

• well, I have to start with the concert we went to on saturday night. *bows head and sighs* it was so great, I hope the view I had of jon foreman and the whole stage stays in my memory forever. to hear ‘dare you to move’ and all of those songs live in actual person, in 2023, I mean, it’s something I could have never foreseen. and I knew the words to every single song because of MIDDLE SCHOOL. it was so fun, so joyful and nostalgic. and then we literally crowd surfed him to a tree. and the confetti at the end. the concert ended, and all four of us kept repeating how amazing it had been. what’s wild is that it already feels so distant. that’s the thing about time, it just keeps going by. that’s why we keep record of the great moments we have and retell them, so we never forget.
• marriage has been really nice, in my opinion. before the wedding, I had so much fear. so many people I talked to told me how hard it was, and I was so afraid of the potential hardship and divorce. but I think in life we’re supposed to not doubt so much and just do what God puts before us, because if it’s what he wants us to do, then we’d better not overthink it or try to tell ourselves that it sucks. so that’s what I am trying to do. and so far, marriage sure seems like a major blessing.
• there’s certainly things i’m still adjusting to. suddenly i’m doing like so many dishes. and i’m actually going to the grocery store weekly, and cooking and whatnot. I don’t exactly need to cook dinner every night but I feel like this is the perfect chill time to actually learn how. and so far it’s been very good. i’ve touched raw meat now, which I was afraid of for a long time.
• we have two cats. frank is actually so sweet, he’s just a baby. I just miss the way astrid used to be. I know she’s constantly stressed out now. but from time to time, when she feels comfortable and usually when i’ve locked frank in the bedroom, she’ll come up to me for pats. she’s so meek about it. it’s sweet, and its rarity makes it an even more precious moment now. I am so grateful for those precious moments, I don’t know why. it’s like this little kiss between me and God, and of course the cat.
• I’m getting healthier. I haven’t really let this sink in, but it’s actually incredible. this has been a decade-long journey. and to be at this point is amazing. I owe it all to Christ, this supernatural gradual healing. these things, you really do have to trust the process. i’m not done yet, but to see how far i’ve come could bring me to tears.
• God and I…I love him, but with everything that’s been going on with life and Israel and all this talk about Revelations, I get in my head and fear that I don’t love him enough, that I don’t understand him enough, and then he feels so far from me. but when I think about what I am grateful for, when I think about what is true and pure and right and holy and friendly, then everything I don’t understand becomes easier to accept. it makes sense that it’s this way actually, because that is what the bible says. he ancient book that is still more relevant than anything i’ve read. see below*
• this year has been…so eventful.
  • Hurricane ian
  • going to blue ridge
  • my family moving in w the burnsides
  • the lantern festival
  • thanksgiving in the condo
  • christmas in the condo
  • going to tennessee
  • getting engaged
  • engagement parties
  • a great valentines day
  • so many wedding preparations. dress shopping, engagement photos, making invites, guest lists, food, etc
  • watching coqueta
  • constant fixing of the house
  • lakeland trips
  • moving into the condo with my family for a month. that was stressful
  • madi’s constant chronic headaches
  • hunter running a half mar
  • moving back into the house
  • mamaw’s 90th birthday
  • the actual wedding
  • everything that happened in new mexico
  • hunter quitting his job
  • hunter getting a new job
  • going to key west
• ok writing those out, they may not seem like much. but many of those things I listed were huge, months-long happenings. trust me, it was a big year.
• our apartment is literally so cute. we talk about how it’s too small and living here is getting old and whatnot, but truly it’s pretty lovely here.
• work is another one of those those things I don’t fully understand yet but just have to keep showing up for
• this is a calm time and I am grateful for it. I look back at pictures from 3 years ago and think about how good life was, and I know that someday I will think the same about right now. I can’t believe there are less than 5 more years until i’m 30. It really does go so fast. the world is a mess, and that has been stressing me out quite a bit. i’ve got to figure out how to stay aware of the important things but not dwell in the ocean of media that is just so overwhelming.

okay well, bye

*what I was talking about:

Always be glad because of the Lord! I will say it again: Be glad. Always be gentle with others. The Lord will soon be here. Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9 CEV

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27 NIV