drama

change is hard. I feel like I have changed, and it scares me because I am worried that I am losing a part of myself. I want a personality test to tell me who I am, but apparently the enneagram is demonic or something. I used to really like who I was, or who I felt like I was becoming, but now I don’t even know who that is. and charlie kirk said that when women hit thirty they are no longer as attractive as they were, and i’m four years away from being thirty. I don’t even know who charlie kirk is but I know that he said that from twitter. so i’m wondering if my attractive years are over and the rest of my life will be spent cleaning the house and driving children around. and not having pretty things anymore. I don’t write on this blog much now. and that makes me feel like i’m losing myself. I do have things to write still, I just haven’t made the time. but also, I can feel myself thinking differently now. my brain has changed. I don’t know how to cling to who I was five years ago, but for some reason I feel like I need to.

“only a fool thinks he can always do what he’s always done.”

there are a lot of women who lose themselves for the sake of their family. it is a scary thing to let go of, one’s sense of self, but maybe it is necessary. I don’t know.