I remember when I started my first full time job six years ago, I wore black on the first day because I thought it was the death of my youth and freedom. I thought I would be locked up in the working world for the rest of my life until retirement. But it turns out I was wrong. I am once again in job limbo, free, young, and all of the other things I never thought I would be again.
Sometimes the little voice in my head whisper-shouts something like, “Contribute! Get a salary!” But more often than not, I can’t help but feel like I’m supposed to pause and really think this one through. Accepting the first and only job I applied for didn’t work out last time. I don’t really want to rush into another job like that.
It is humbling that God has forced me out of that comfortable little eight to five. There was nothing wrong with that job at all, but I was definitely prepared to like maybe retire there. To bury all of my hopes and dreams just like that. I’m not above an office job, and I don’t want to make it seem like I feel that way. I just mean that I feel like I should really pray about this next one. Because God has orchestrated my life to this moment, and it feels like a crossroads.
This has all been an amazing reminder that God cares far more about your heart than about you having a job at all times. I feel naked without a full time job—adulthood does that to you! But God does not care about your perceived vulnerability. He will make you lie down in green pastures even when you think you can’t afford it. He is so gracious that way.
I am having a great time. And I just hope that I really start to understand what I’m meant to do next. It needs to feel really right I think.
mp 