scuba

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in my scuba diving class on Monday, we learned that the most important rule in scuba diving is to never hold your breath, because if you do, your lungs will explode. that scared me to death. what if I forget to breathe? it’s never been an issue before, but now i’m terrified that i’ll forget to breathe. for the rest of class, I was so concerned about breathing that it stopped coming naturally, and I did that thing where you have to force yourself to breathe because you’re thinking about it and it stops being involuntary.

but this is so common for me. I don’t trust my body to do the instinctive things it was designed to do. I don’t trust my gut, or my stomach, or my lungs, or anything really. I think too much. I try to control too much.

struggling to find homeostasis right now.

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