old

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these r some expensive af color pencils. they’re rlly great

the older you get, the more you realize that you suck. but not in a feel-sorry-for-yourself kind of way—in an actual, “oh-my-gosh-i’m-not-as-awesome-as-I-thought-I-was” way. like, you realize that you, too, do all of the annoying things you’ve hated about adults for your entire life. u lose your temper over the dumbest stuff. you look like an ass, often. you just sin all the freaking time. you’re a total dirtbag. I mean I am, at least. I can’t talk for you. but maybe u feel the same way. but I’m not calling u a dirtbag. anyway, self-realization, I guess that’s what it’s called. and I guess it’s a great thing, because yea as you grow up, you learn all this cool stuff about yourself. but you’re also put in more complicated situations, and u find out how u react & handle things. and sometimes ur coping mechanisms just suck. and it’s truly great that u learn these things. because it humbles u. when u realize how flawed u are, you become a less judgmental person. at least I’m working on it. and u also learn the stuff u need to work on. because sure you might be flawed, but u can change. my biggest issue is that I am like sooooooooooo judgy. okay it’s prob not my biggest issue, but it’s the one i’m working on right now. for a long time I was like super judgmental towards white people. it was this weird reverse-racist thing. i’ve come a long way. and it all started with self-realization, when someone pointed out to me that I was being judgmental.

anyway, the point is that when u realize how much u suck yourself, u start to give more grace to other people. so delight in your weaknesses, because they remind u of how unattainable your own salvation is by yourself. it’s just a whole cycle thing.

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