I have decided that sincerity is hard to come by and that most people in life are just used car salesmen trying to manipulate you to do what they want.
Bittersweetness and grief sneak up on you and smack you in the face just when you think you’ve gotten over it. Actually, no. The grief doesn’t sneak up from behind you. You straight up turn around and start walking backwards—towards it. And then you walk straight into grief and that’s what hits your face. You walking backwards into grief and bitterness. Because you just can’t quite let it go. Because there’s still that little piece of your heart that will always love it. And you know that piece will aways be there. And you resent the fact that it has moved on and expects you to also. Because you have so many good memories with it, and you don’t understand why it had to change and turn into something so unrecognizable and completely dismissive of you.
So bitterness is the bar that smacks your face as you walk straight into it. And your face freaking hurts.
And while you’re in pain, you react. You give up on humanity. You tell yourself that everyone is a manipulative jerk that just wants your money. And you resent the world.
All because it broke your heart. And there’s one little piece inside your broken heart that won’t let it go.
UGH. I am so tired of feeling like this.