fish & clothes & criminals

It’s been an eventful week. Let me start backwards.

Today. I skipped work to do some graphic design for a book. But instead I ended up spending five hours at the mall. I woke up with an urge to get out of my house and spend money on new stuff that would make me look pretty. So I spent about three hours getting out of bed and deciding how to style my hair. Then I trekked to the mall, and I went inside every single women’s apparel store. And as I was trying on all these pretty dresses and looking through the racks, I actually felt annoyed. Like, I don’t need any of this crap and I’m wasting my money and I could be making more money right now if I had just gone to work. And why am I looking to buy more pants if I hate pants to begin with??? All pants suck, not just the ones I currently own. Fast fashion is a biyatch, and here I am supporting it. But behold! Another store. Well I’d better look through it in case it sells grey, long-sleeved rompers like the one I saw on Pinterest.

I never found a grey, long-sleeved romper. Every romper I saw had either spaghetti straps or a super deep v-neck, which I don’t understand because I don’t know many girls who could pull off either of those features. Anyway, I came to realize today that clothes cannot make me happy. And that I don’t need retail therapy; I’m just stalling. Because I am work-paralyzed. I keep putting off doing my art commissions and going back to my job and finishing my crochet blanket and my paintings. I keep putting off cleaning the bathroom and finishing books and praying to the Lord. I just won’t do any of it. Maybe I’m lazy. No that’s a lie. I’m scared. Yep I’m scared. And perhaps slightly lazy.

Yesterday. I had jury duty. It lasted from 8 am to 5:30. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Actually one more thing: I should have brought a book or a magazine or something. Good grief.

The Day Before Yesterday, Anteayer. I went to Athens to finish painting some murals in my church. Which was fun. I painted a few fish that looked amazing. Then I got excited about how talented I was, and then I tried to paint something else and it sucked. That’s art for you.

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Those are puzzle pieces in case you could not tell.

Working with my friend Rosie on these walls has helped me realize that in every area I am weak there is someone passionate and talented who would love to help. You just gotta reach out. Because those connections are where the bridges are built and the work gets better and the histories get made.

The Day before the Day before Yesterday, Sunday. My papa and I visited a Greek Orthodox church, and the liturgy was beautiful. So much history and depth and meaning and art and symbolism and ancientness.

Saturday. Um. I don’t remember what happened. I’m pretty sure nothing happened at all.

Friday. I was also in Athens. Doing more painting.

Thursday. Um. I believe also a normal day. That was a while ago. One thing I do remember: I missed an opportunity. Lots of regret there.

In Conclusion…

The shopping, the running, the walking, the trial, the pretty fish, the beautiful dresses, the wavy hair, the phone calls, the FaceTimes, the cafe work sessions, the late nights, the woodworkings, the performances, the job reports, the drives…I think it’s finally eased up my paralysis. I think I’m ready to do work again. To stop avoiding things. I think. I hope. No…YES! I’m ready. I am ready. Really ready. Yes I am. I’m gonna get started. Here I go. Wish me luck. Ok see ya. Bye.

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