life update of past 4 months

mkay life update. i’m officially a working lady. the office life is one of those things i’ve always feared but the truth is that the world is just one big place with a lot of people in a lot of smaller places and some day you will find yourself in one particular place for a time, and u just have to embrace that place and ride with it. & it’s been rlly nice. & I am shook by the fact that I got this job right when all of this covid crisis hit the states. the timing was supernatural. idk how else to explain it. allow me to tell the full story…

I graduated in december a messed up wreck of melodramatic insanity. I was a mess. I’d left early & moved states & had no purpose or whatever & it all happened so suddenly bc I hadn’t rlly planned anything and so I found myself all broken & struggling to let go & ugh it was a strange time. looking back it was fun & cray but at the time I was a legit mess. for months. 2-3 months. some times I was messier than others. and the whole time I was learning a lot. a lot. & healing. but it was rad cray. & I was rlly self absorbed. I rlly think that college inevitably turns u into a narcissist for a little bit & it can’t be helped. anyway. I was learning so much & growing & getting into those spiritual vibes. and slowly slowly slowly. regaining my sanity. facing challenges & trials & growth & learning to trust my gut/soul. still interviewing. even saying no to offers that didn’t feel right. I was in a good groove of applying & being intentional & yada yada yada.

& right as I was finally coming to a state of healed sanity, the rest of america was tumbling into a crisis. my friends found out they wouldn’t have a graduation ceremony & would never go back to class. & suddenly I could not believe that the lord had spared me & allowed me to graduate before all of this. literally. I was completely shook & shocked & chillingly scared. scared of just how blessed I had been. after all of the whining & running I had done, the whole time god was just like, just wait kid u have no idea what I have saved u from. literally. the lord. how could he do this. all it took was 20 minutes in my advisor’s office my junior year, when I learned that I could graduate early & decided to do it. changed my life. I didn’t even know my fam would move to FL at the time. there was so much I didn’t know. idk why I got to have the closure & the joy & the celebration before I moved away. Idk why god granted me that. I’m so grateful. & i’m so blown away. the gratefulness hurts. but it’s just a testament to the fact that ugh god is real ppl. just look at me. look at my dad. he’s real & he legit provides. u have no idea.

& the very week that everything started to close, I received a job offer. & this time, for a lot a lot of reasons, I could feel in my soul that it was right. 3 days before fl issued a stay at home order, I started my new job. what. & somehow I work for a health company, so our jobs are essential. & for the past 3ish weeks i’ve been going to work while the rest of the world stays home. the tables have turned. my timing is completely flipped. but that’s the thing. it’s not even my timing. like, I had no impact on this. I did nothing to deserve this. it was god’s timing. I just hope that when I tell ppl my story, they realize how crazy it is that anything worked out the way it did. I mean this is legendary stuff. & I swear I had nothing to do w it. I’m as shocked as everyone else.

& now so many friends & so many ppl are in their homes. and they r depressed and hysterical & going through similar things I went through 4 months ago. & now that i’ve experienced & survived those things, & now that i’m sane again, I get to empathize w those ppl. and I rlly rlly hope that somehow my story-slash-support-slash-listening ear will help them. the lord has arranged everything for a reason. & I have no idea what that reason is. that’s the thing. u never know the impact u have on another person. just gotta be kind & shut up. & be intentional even if u never understand why.

I’m so grateful & shook & trembling. I have no idea why the lord has been so gentle with me. for three months I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know what was around the corner. & a lot of ppl feel the same way now. & I ache for them. but there’s so much hope. eventually.

my rabbi recently said to me “all you have is your story.” it’s so so tru. my story is still fairly short, but this is part of it. I never could have come up with this stuff on my own. rlly. there’s so much more I could tell u about the past 2.5 weeks. the point is that everyone gets a story. & the longer u live, the more dramatic it gets.

ride the waves that come to you. six months at a time. ❤

mkay ima take a brief break from the online social world. chao

One comment

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