wow

have u ever been depressed? or heartbroken? it sucks. really. the ache humans feel when bad things happen is just horrible. so imagine feeling like this guy:

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”

damn.

sometimes I say things like that, actually. life is so emotionally taxing i’m dying. sigh. but, pft, I never mean it. I haven’t actually experienced a whole lotta heartache. I mean i feel sorry for myself often, but i’m an idiot. most of my emotional issues of late are about me not being able to have something I want. and I turn it into this big emotional journey and talk about longing and ache like i’m some sort of chick from eat, pray, love.

Christ said those words. right before he went into gethsemane and collapsed in anguish. can you imagine? the Lord in a fetal position. shaking. sweating blood. dying literally.

when people talk about Jesus being the lamb, I think of some peaceful, meek animal that…soothes you, somehow? but lambs were slaughtered. they were freaking killed, and their blood was rubbed all over doors and everything. or something like that. anyway—not soothing at all. terrifying.

thinking bout this cuz i’m prepping for my next drawing assignment. the theme is blood, sweat, and/or tears. I want to do something about Jesus sweating blood in gethsemane. in class we’ve been learning to draw with empathy—to think about the emotions being portrayed in an image. so i’ve been thinking a lot about the how Jesus felt that night. and wow. that’s all I can really say—wow. and thanks, and sorry.

the apostles were crazy about God because they understood what had literally happened that night and three days later. when they realized what had literally happened, they didn’t mind being expendable and doing crazy things to tell people about it. knowing the truth sets you free to look like a weirdo and also to risk your life. I hope that someday I can fully grasp what happened that night, and that I change because of it. 🙂

night.

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