right now

realizing that every gift or talent or aspect of my personality wasn’t given to me to boost my own ego but to be passed around & interacted with
we were made to admire each other
the stakes in life are high & low at the same time
“what are you doing to make people think?”
– old man at a dinner party
this next paragraph is gonna be a lil rambly…
I think that for a hot while I wasn’t insecure but I just didn’t know who I was really & appreciate myself or whatnot. & I think a lot of it was because my identity was suppressed by this weird body dysmorphia & the loud people I was around. & sometimes to get over all that identity suppression, god will make u go through a year of wandering around & learning about yourself & seeking affirmation from a thousand places & then being ultimately affirmed by yourself + your creator. and in time u realize that u like who u are & u are having so much fun just by going your own way. and then once u are finally completely satisfied & no longer seeking any sort of acceptance from any other thing or person or idea, u r finally ready to share yourself, and use all those god-given gifts & qualities with no fear of rejection. it’s like what kenzie was saying.

i’ve learned a lot. but I think this has been the ultimate lesson of the past year.
satisfaction can’t come from knowing the answers, it has to come from trusting that god is real and his plan for humanity is more epic than I get to understand right now.
things are going to be hard moving forward inevitably at some point. but I hope that I remember how true all of this is and how steadfast I am able to be if I trust god & my role in the bigger picture that I am a part of.
sometimes god tells us to be quiet. but sometimes he tells us to be loud with accountability.
so yay to self love or whatever lmao such a trendy concept with deeper implications than any of us realize.
thank you so much god