sept 16 – oct 16

writing things on here lately has felt weird. i’m not completely sure why. I think there are just a lot of vulnerable things at the moment. and I don’t know what is going on exactly myself, so I can’t rlly write about it. but here is a list of some of the major highlights that have happened in the past month.

b + k came to visit. we went deep sea fishing, which was so fun. k said my life seemed adventurous. she caught a lot of fish

e became a christian. she met my whole family. and some of my best friends. she shares worship songs w me now. she’s going to get baptized. we’ve had some great conversations. wow actually. I can’t’ believe that less than a month ago I was sitting at uhmaze bowls listening to this lady’s story. what a blessed life.

I bought some stools off facebook marketplace. oh crap i’m only just remembering them just now. I have to re-cover them. and sand the bottoms. ugh.

I went to new york with n. it was so cool. feels like a lifetime ago. ugh truly. so many lovely things. so much art. lots of skylines. lots of thinking about home too, tbh. new york is amazing, and it’s where every designer expects to inevitably be. but I don’t know if I could see myself there anymore. everyone is there. everything seems exhausting. I don’t know.

And then I came home for a day. I feel like I need to include this day. because it was a pleasant day. lots of resting. lots of soul feeding. v pleasant. work free. stress free. anyway…

then…I went to New Mexico with s. oh man. I was tired. but it was so good. very beautiful. santa fe was exactly what I was expecting. I could see myself living there. but i’m rlly good if I actually don’t.

then I came home. it’s been good to be back. i’ve been running around quite a bit since, though. lots of going on runs, lots of being around friends. lots of bonding, eating meals with ppl. yada yada. i’m starting to realize why I keep exaggerating life like the world is ending. i’m so tired. geez. I just need like 3 days of sleep and reflection.

I think that sometimes I get caught up in this little insecure whirlwind of chaos and self destruction. but just thinking back on the past month, it’s v evident at the moment that everything happens for a reason, I have to accept life on life’s terms. surrender.

I am so grateful for this life. i’ve been freaking out a bit lately. but writing down all of these things, I see that life is still good. god is good. there is so much at work. so much. despite all of my flaws, so much is at work. i’m so grateful. what a sweet life. before I left for my trips, r and I talked about how i’ve been v blessed of late and for most of my life, and how ppl like that have a responsibility of sorts to share those blessings. ‘don’t run,’ she said. you can’t run. you have too much to offer. ugh. sometimes the lies just rlly come at me especially of late. but yes no more running. thank you god.

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